sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
