Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
