ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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