the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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