Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
