Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
