she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
