I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
