When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
