I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
