You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
