booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
