My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
