I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
