I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i came on her dog
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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