My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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