You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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