I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I will be naked everywhere
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
