What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
