He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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