I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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