I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
