Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
