i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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