I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
