someone get that fucking seahorse.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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