he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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