Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
