Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
