party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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