why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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