I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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