Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
