Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
