i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
