Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
