My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
don't judge my taste in strippers
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
