Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
