i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
