Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
