Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sacagawea was the original milf.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
