Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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