I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
a search helicopter?!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
