Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
