i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
