No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
