What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
