When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
