Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
