How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
